Lows (And how health can help)

Health happens... If you let it...

    Well, it finally got to me.

    The highs ☝ I've been experiencing over the last two weeks gave way to some deep, devastating lows 👇. The previous 36 hours or so were pretty rough. For no apparent reason, I started feeling depressed, unmotivated, and empty. I expected this, and I'm quite surprised it took this long. But even though I was prepared for it, it still sucked. A lot. And when I'm feeling low, I get really irritable. 

    This morning when I got to my car, there was a homeless guy doing some heinous shit across the street 😵. He had his cart full of garbage 🚲 parked in the middle of the road, and it appeared he was filming a video with a fancy car in the background that I can obviously assume he doesn't own. I stood there and watched him, fixated, as my cigarette burned without attention. He was getting weird with it. He reminded of a teenage girl who just got her first smartphone; throwing peace signs and moving the camera around in a flowy, music video-esque style. At one point, it looked like he put his phone/recording device right up to the window and was filming the inside of the car. 

    Now, even though it was a semi-alarming thing to witness, on a normal day, I would've rolled my eyes, got into my car, and drove off. Because he's homeless. I've always felt terrible for homeless people, and I know that if I draw attention to them, they're very likely to be in for a bad time. But today, the lows got the best of me, and I snapped.

    "Hey...YO!!", I yelled, in the opposite of a friendly tone. "What're you doing, dude??". He started to respond, but before he could I added, "You better get your fucking ass moving before someone calls the cops." And with that, the whimsical merriment that was on his face just moments before vanished, without a trace 😑. He stared blankly at me for a second before shuffling away from the center of North Pennsylvania Street.

    I felt bad as soon as I got in the car. I never feel great after yelling at someone 😤, even when they deserve it. I have to say, in my defense, that guy was asking for it. As I drove off in the opposite direction of the chaos, I peeked through my rearview to find that he had left his trash cart 🚲 in the middle of the road, and was continuing his broadcast on the other side of the car, near the sidewalk. I let out an exaggerated sigh of annoyance, and thought, "Whatever idiot, I got shit to do."

    Lucky for me, I actually did have shit to do, which is not the norm for me lately. My first stop was to meet my grandparents for lunch, and grab some clothes I had left at their house last time I was there. We went to IHOP 🍮🍩, where I took absolutely no pity on a breakfast combo with chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, bacon, potatoes... the whole shebang. It was delicious, and my grandparents were getting along and in good spirits, which helped to lift mine.

    The reason I decided to meet them on this particular day, was because I had two appointments scheduled at the big hospital complex near their house: One for my first COVID-19 vaccine shot 💉, and two, to see my primary care provider about the episodes of vomiting and diarrhea that led up to me embracing the sober life. I had been pretty nervous about both the shot and the PCP meeting, but by the time I left the doctor's office, I felt loads better.

    Thankfully, the doc doesn't think I have any serious issues to worry about, and the bloodwork seems to concur. She's going to hook me up with a nutritionist 🍒🍌🍎 (because I haven't the slightest clue what "eating right" means), and I may end up doing some physical therapy to help with my shoulder problems. Overall, I seem to be in decent health, and for that, I'm so incredibly grateful.

    The one thing she couldn't stress enough, is that I MUST stay sober. She thinks that the episodes I had are simply my body's way of telling me to cut the crap. And if I start using again, they might very well come back. And I fully agree. We've only got one life to live (as far as we know), and I refuse to waste mine feeling like that homeless dude's garbage cart 🚲. I left the hospital with a renewed sense of purpose, and for now, the lows 👇 are back to highs ☝. Or mediums 👈👉, at least.

    Thank you, readers, as always, for your unwavering support 💜💜💜