Compromises

Don't do it...

    It's been ten days since I've allowed any drug (other than nicotine) to enter my body 💪. I think my detox period is over, and the healthy food I've been eating is starting to reveal to me its incredible power. Sounds great, right?

    💥WRONG💥. This is when it gets hard. This is when the only motivation left is your own thoughts and the acclamations of friends and family. My stint in the ER is but a dream. Everyone is impressed by my newfound energy, clarity, and demeanor.

    But last night was tough. I was on the verge of compromising. Those little demons finally found a flaw in my defenses. They're growing restless. "I think I deserve a beer and shot," I mused. Alcohol was never a serious issue for me, so as long as I'm not smoking pot, what's the problem? Then my conscience chimed in: "Don't do it! Ten days is not enough! You can do so much better than that!". 

The demons didn't like that. "Oh, c'mon, you deserve it.", they said. "You just need a little something to get through this boredom 😇." 

    And it's at this point that I start to get angry. Angry at myself for creating a situation in which "just one more" could be the beginning of a relapse. Angry at the universe for creating "too much of a good thing." Angry that I can't go ten days without an epic battle erupting within the core of my existence.

    But I did it. I fucking did it. For once in my life, I refused to compromise. It wasn't easy, and it took about an hour of staring vacantly through my computer screen while my two personalities traded blows... but I did it. And today, I am proud. I am powerful. I am back in control 🙌.

    I can't honestly tell you what's different this time. I wish I had some hidden method to share with you; some eureka moment that we could all experience together. But I don't. All I know is, this time, I'm doing it. Every second ⌛⏳ of every goddamn waking moment. Maybe it was the almost dying thing. Maybe it's just that I'm a little older and a little wiser. Maybe it's just that I want it more now than I did before. Whatever it is, I'm so grateful for it, and I hope that reading this will give others a little bit of the inspiration that I've finally found.

    Keep at it, stay strong, and whatever you do, don't make compromises. ❤❤❤